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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Day 132: Research

I got completely wrapped up in my research for my MESA paper tonight. It was nice. It's been a while since I've read really intelligent, thoughtful papers and had to begin to think about constructing my own. It's a welcome diversion.

I also was reminded, "It's always darkest before the dawn. But the dawn is coming." And I had the flutter of knowledge in my gut that what I am doing for myself now is invaluable. And brave. And the difficult but right thing isn't the easy thing, most times.

This poem is by Macrina Wiederkehr (from Seasons of Your Heart) and it's called "Tourist or Pilgrim?" It came to me during my years with Search at Seattle U, and has never quite left me. This year has been a time of pilgrimages for me (italics mine).

"I stand on the edge of myself and wonder,
Where is home?

Oh, where is the place
where beauty will last?
When will I be safe?
And where?

...

Then suddenly, overpowering me
with the truth, a voice within me
gentles me, and says:

There is a power in you, a truth in you
that has not yet been tapped.

You are blinded
with a blindness that is deep
for you've not loved the pilgrim in you yet.

There is a road
that runs straight through your heart.
Walk on it.

To be a pilgrim means
to be on the move, slowly
to notice your luggage becoming lighter
to be seeking for treasures that do not rust
to be comfortable with your heart's questions

to be moving toward the holy ground of home
with empty hands and bare feet.

And yet, you cannot reach that home
until you've loved the pilgrim in you

One must be comfortable
with pilgrimhood
before one's feet can touch the homeland.

Do you want to go home?
There's a road that runs
straight through your heart.
Walk on it."

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