The 480s, and the meaning of life (while we're at it)

Monday, October 1 - Day II.109 (473) - Thursday, October 18 - Day II.126 (490)
So when your hope's on fire...don't hold a glass over the flame, don't let your heart grow cold, I will call your name, I will share your road.  - Mumford & Sons, Hopeless Wanderer 
 
Ok fine. This is cheating a little bit. But grad school is tough, so I get some concessions, right?

Grad school makes you focus on the important things. Tonight I am brought low in the face of them.

I have so many blessings: I have a great roommate, who helps me manage the rigors of this program and its demands; I have a great apartment that is a beautiful space to live in; I have my health. I get to bike to school most days along Lake Michigan, and I get to watch this great body of water, so big she has waves!, I get to watch her change colors and seasons and know her movements, great & small. I get to watch the trees turn colors as the seasons change, and the leaves fall, and I reminded how fantastic seasons are: they teach us, as Parker Palmer reminds us, to appreciate the circumstance we are in.

My mother had two children because she wanted us to have each other after she and my father were gone. Every day I am grateful for my sister, already. To know someone in your soul, what this means....I think many people go through life without this kind of connection to another person.

I am thankful for Search, all those years ago, a retreat put on by the Jesuits at SU, because that experience created the most caring friendships I have. My life is definitely a search, a quest. But it would be nothing without the companion that Search gave me - my friendship with Berna has been sustaining, deep, and powerful - in ways I anticipated, and in ways I did not foresee. It is trite to say I am grateful for this amazing and our ever-growing friendship, but I am not sure how to convey this sentiment any more honestly than that. Our lives are vastly different, and take us in different directions, but the wisdom, love and validation that she offers me are unceasing. I can only aspire to reflect that back to her, to earn that honor.

I am so thankful for Rob. At my dear friend Shane's wedding, the officiant noted that when you find your other, it takes courage to recognize that, to see it, to own it, to grow into that relationship, to be seen for who you are and acknowledged and loved for that. She was right. It does take courage, and ownership...but there is nothing more meaningful or worthy in life. How lucky am I, to find a man who sees me in my entirety and loves me anyway, who shares the same joy and delight at life's eccentricities, whose kindness and generosity know no bounds? This love is absolutely life's highest calling, and greatest blessing and I cherish it every moment.



to have & to hold, a lover of the light

There are not words enough for this gratitude - it overwhelms me, renders me (even me!) speechless and tearful in the face of it.

I cannot be me without you.

I wish for you every blessing, every deep love, every good thing that this earth and its people can offer to one another.



 

Love, Actually

Tuesday, September 18 - Day II.95 (460) 

Today I arrived safely to my grandmother's place in Los Alamos. This place is holy to me. It is the only place I feel is something akin to "home." This is truly tierra sagrada, and I am so grateful for every moment here.

My grandmother's handmade stained glass windows

Wednesday, September 19 - Day II.97 (461)
Today I had to shell out a lot of money to make my car safe. But at least my car is safe.

Thursday, September 20 - Day II.98 (462)

Nothing quite like a New Mexico hike - we did the Red Dot Trail down from the mesa to the Rio Grande. And yes, we jumped into the pool when we finished.


Friday, September 21 - Day II.99 (463)Bandelier. I love this place, in all its seasons, in all its permutations.

Enter the kiva!

Climbing to Alcove House

View of Frijolito Canyon

Reward for a long hike

Saturday, September 22 - Day II.100 (464)
I believe in love.

Congratulations to Shane & Jesse!

Hacienda Dona Andrea by night

Congratulations to my dear friends on their wedding day. I am tremendously honored and excited to be here with them on this special day, and to celebrate love. May we all have the joy, privilege and right to marry our person.

Day 426 - 428: Movin' on up

Day II.61 (426): Wednesday, August 15, 2012

 

“Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation.”
-W.H. Sheldon

 

Also referred to as "owning it." Seems an easy thing to say, but can be a bit rougher to do.

I am owning my choices, owning my somewhat nonlinear path. Thank god for all of it. And jumping in, fully, to the gorgeous journey ahead. Chicago, life, love, the PhD, world: let's do this thing!

 

Day II.62 (427): Thursday, August 16, 2012 

I heard last week a great piece of advice: Figure out what makes you happy, and learn how to ask for it. 

 

Again: so simple. But so big!

 

Tonight while doing the Culver City stairs, two great things happened. First, I lapped a couple of guys, who gave me fist-bumps as I started on my fourth round. One said, "Girl you're a badass!" when I answered their question, "How many is that?" Why, thank you.

 

Second, as I was coming down I realized something by tripping over my own feet. See, the stairs are so steep, and let's be honest, they're a little uneven (think Hundertwasserian lines) that you have to keep eyes on them at all times. But if you stop - and look up - you see the whole city and the range of the Santa Monicas and the Hollywood Hills and the Sierra Nevadas in front of you. It's breathtaking. But you can't enjoy the view, and the longshot, and the seeing where you've come, while moving. You have to stop moving - take a pause - breathe - look up. And then when it's time to get moving again, you put your head down and focus on the next stair ahead of you.

 

Day II.63 (428): Friday, August 17, 2012

I have been counting down to this day for 17 insanely long days. I am so grateful and excited and have so many things to enjoy coming down the pike!

 

Day 189: Tea-tie wisdom

An on-time post. What? Yes, dear (8) readers, I hoped to surprise you.



You probably can't make it out, but the tag at the end of my tea reads, "Love is to live for each other." I have been reflecting a lot on the nature of love, friendship, and relationships lately - and been thinking about my needs and how I communicate with those that I care about. In the past I haven't spoken up when things have bothered me, and so my anger and frustration (and often disillusionment) reached a boiling point, festering inside me, so that when I did express myself I did so poorly, often lashing out seemingly out of nowhere. I am trying to change this, by speaking up. Part of this means accepting that some people will opt out, and that's their right. I can't expect everyone to share my view of what love and friendship and relationships are about. And I agree that love is to live for each other. In one of these recent conversations, I came face-to-face with the stark reality of someone opting out. Which was hard, but good - I now know that person's expectation of friendship. But I don't share it.

I view friends as the people who are the family I choose, and I have a last-flight-out, doesn't-matter-what-time-middle-of-the-night-phone-call, just-show-up policy with my best friends. They know that I will be there for them, as I know they are there for me. I will stand behind them 100%, in whatever it is that they are trying to accomplish. This policy has never impeded on my life or career or ability to accomplish things - in fact, it is this deep nourishing and reciprocated love that has made it possible for me to accomplish my goals. I honestly believe there is no other way to live. And I am deeply grateful for the solid, good friends that I do have, who share my view - how lucky we are in life if we have a handful of these people to walk with us.

Love is to live for each other.

Day 70: Thich Nhat Hanh on Awakening the Heart

I know I'm starting to sound all transcendental and stuff, and I promise to be posting things that are much more concrete soon. After all, there's a road trip in my (very near!) future!

But...

A while ago, I found a book called True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh. It now sits next to my bed, and I find myself returning to it. It's a very short little tome, but it's very concise and brevity doesn't make these practices simple.



I am grateful to have a guide for what true love looks like (so I recognize it when I experience it, but also so that I can offer it out!) from Thich Nhat Hanh's work.

Day 61

True love is possible. I am grateful to Berna & Becky for reminding me of that. Congratulations to Mrs & Mrs Duran-Brown!