Day 434-442: Final sentences in a chapter

Day II.69 (434) - Thursday August 23

A treat for myself since I was staying over on the west side...hitting up the Abbott Kinney Intelligentsia. I love this coffee.

Day II.70 (435) - Friday, August 24
Date night at Luna Park! Bonus: my man got me DIY smores for dessert, cause he knows I love 'em.

Day II.71 (436) - Saturday, August 25

My best friend is one of the three most incredible women I know. She is fiercely generous, loyal, and strong. I miss her already, and I cannot express in words how grateful I am that Search brought her into my life a decade ago. I don't think I would have survived without her: then, in the middle, last year, and now. To my dearest friend, I love you - and I look forward to our Skype dates with wine until I can live near you again.

Day II.72 (437) - Sunday, August 26
After the craziness last night, my best friends came over and packed me out. They stayed for leftover tacos! Oh yeah, did I mention my best friend organized a killer goodbye party that involved a TACO CART? Pretty hard to top that.

Day II.73 (438) - Monday August 27

My work threw me a goodbye lunch and I got to pick the place, so I picked Mas Malo (no more of these awful seafood places where I have to plug my nose the whole time, no!). I had the ground beef and pickle tacos and Echo Park elote. So incredibly delicious, even if the 75+ year old founder of the Center pronounced the menu "challenging!"

Day II.74 (439) - Tuesday, August 28
Last time up the Culver City stairs. I will never get over the view from the top, and these mountains in this desert that I love.

Day II.75 (440) - Wednesday, August 29
I am slowly making progress, day by day, one step closer to finishing out this job and this apartment and this chapter of my life. Each moment carries me farther, if I am patient enough to see the process.

Day II.76 (441) - Thursday, August 30
Salvation Army, movers come and gone. I can't believe I'm leaving my little Airdrome sanctuary.  So grateful for my time here.

Day II.77 (442) - Friday, August 31

 People Who Make My Life Incredible and Whom I Love More Than Anything, Volume I. And yes, there were flaming margaritas and gringo Mexican food consumed in honor of my final night in Los Angeles (this go 'round).

My heart overflows.

Day 429-433: LA as a Happy Ending

Day II.64 (429) - Saturday, August 18
Time with the bff and the boys. I am so lucky. And an incredible, incredible dinner at WhiskNLadle, a restaurant owned by a great new friend. 

Day II.65 (430) - Sunday, August 19
Father's Office for dinner with three amazing guys. Also, the rice krispie streusel ice cream ball dessert!

Day II.66 (431) - Monday, August 20

This is home. I'll be back.

Day II.67 (432) - Tuesday, August 21

I am savoring my last days here. It doesn't hurt to have an out-of-town guest visiting, so I have excuses to do all the things I love doing but don't usually make time to do on worknights.

Day II.68 (433)  - Wednesday, August 22

Getting to see this man at the end of a busy day makes my day, completely, every time it happens. And a drink on the rooftop at High Bar in Venice Beach, during a California summer? Perfecter than perfect.

Day 426 - 428: Movin' on up

Day II.61 (426): Wednesday, August 15, 2012

 

“Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation.”
-W.H. Sheldon

 

Also referred to as "owning it." Seems an easy thing to say, but can be a bit rougher to do.

I am owning my choices, owning my somewhat nonlinear path. Thank god for all of it. And jumping in, fully, to the gorgeous journey ahead. Chicago, life, love, the PhD, world: let's do this thing!

 

Day II.62 (427): Thursday, August 16, 2012 

I heard last week a great piece of advice: Figure out what makes you happy, and learn how to ask for it. 

 

Again: so simple. But so big!

 

Tonight while doing the Culver City stairs, two great things happened. First, I lapped a couple of guys, who gave me fist-bumps as I started on my fourth round. One said, "Girl you're a badass!" when I answered their question, "How many is that?" Why, thank you.

 

Second, as I was coming down I realized something by tripping over my own feet. See, the stairs are so steep, and let's be honest, they're a little uneven (think Hundertwasserian lines) that you have to keep eyes on them at all times. But if you stop - and look up - you see the whole city and the range of the Santa Monicas and the Hollywood Hills and the Sierra Nevadas in front of you. It's breathtaking. But you can't enjoy the view, and the longshot, and the seeing where you've come, while moving. You have to stop moving - take a pause - breathe - look up. And then when it's time to get moving again, you put your head down and focus on the next stair ahead of you.

 

Day II.63 (428): Friday, August 17, 2012

I have been counting down to this day for 17 insanely long days. I am so grateful and excited and have so many things to enjoy coming down the pike!

 

Day 424 - 425: Letting go of the chaff

Day II.59 (424): Monday, August 13
Tonight I just got to be alone in my house. I appreciate this profoundly after two weekends away and a weekend with a visitor and then some crazy stressful days in between where I wasn't around much. And last night my flights were so delayed that I barely got home in time to go to sleep before going to work today.

My dear friend Lucas asked me to go running with him tonight, a later run since the heat's been in the 90s here. It was beautiful - perfect and fresh and cool. Also, I'm grateful that he let me just vent to him all my anxiety about all the new things beginning and growing in my life. Years ago, my friend Hong made a painting of a proverb for me, that reads, "A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." As time passes, the more I realize how tremendously valuable and beautiful a thing those friendships are.


Day II.60 (425): Tuesday, August 14

Today was the last day of laps at the pretty pool. Can we just talk for a minute about how cute the little fish gargoyle-fountains are in the corners? Ok, thank you!

I also got to test out my new goggles today (after two separate incidents of the strap tearing on me!). They're really clear. I was amazed at how much I could see, it was gorgeous to watch the light filtering through the water!

As I swam my last lap in this pool (not to be melodramatic, but USC is tearing it down next summer, so it...really is the last time I'll swim there), I just held  in my heart so much gratitude. Spending my lunchtimes in that pool has given me so much joy and peace, and for that I'm tremendously grateful.

Day 414-416: Going Nowhere and Getting Somewhere

Day II.49 (414) - Friday, August 3, 2012

“There are no new truths, but only truths that have not been recognized by those who have perceived them without noticing.”
-Mary McCarthy

Day II.50 (415) - Saturday, August 4, 2012
If you are making your journey in a hurry, you are making it poorly. 
-Tea Obreht

The Bridge to Nowhere hike, another item on my LA bucket list, was successfully crossed off today. It was definitely not a speedy journey, all ten miles of it, but it was so incredibly beautiful. And there is nothing to compare to the simple delight of jumping into a cool pool of water on a hot summer day.

Day II.51 (416) - Sunday, August 5, 2012
I am grateful for love. I spent today's meditation thinking about being a place to receive love gracefully.

I can give it, because giving love, to me, involves no vulnerability. If the love is unreciprocated, then it's on the other person, it is not shameful for me.

But can I receive it? Gracefully? This acceptance involves a vulnerability that I can't quite explain or put my finger on. Perhaps it is a fear of dependence. I want to be able to accept love.

Days 403-405: Different kinds of journeys

Day II.38 (403) - Monday, July 23, 2012
Oh, the joy of being at home after a busy weekend away! 
 
Day II.39 (404) - Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I read a great article today about how every woman should travel alone. I found much of it inspiring, and the author echoed a lot of sentiments I felt about traveling alone in Tunisia, Vietnam and Syria.

She closed with this:
"The greatest trip of my life came because I did not get the things I wanted."
    - Sarah Hepola

That's what this year has been -  what a lovely and fulfilling journey I've been on, because I didn't get what I wanted. I got exactly what I was afraid of. And I am unmistakably, profoundly grateful for it.

Day II.40 (405) - Wednesday, July 25, 2012



that secret that we know, that we don't know how to tell, 
i'm in love with your honor
i'm in love with your cheeks


How delightful, delicious and scary the anticipation...I go on an adventure tomorrow, of a completely different kind, that tests the emotional distance I have come this year and the person I am becoming. I remind myself that everything changes and evolves, to accept the beauty of things as they are - and to dive in to the glory of whatever life puts in front of me.

Day 400 - 402: Palm Springs, Part II & Joshua Tree

Day II.35 (400) - Friday, July 20 // Day II.36 (401) - Saturday, July 21 // Day II.37 (402) - Sunday, July 22

What a lovely weekend with my friends Shane, Amy & Nathan at Palm Springs & Joshua Tree. This was another thing on my LA Bucket List, and I am so profoundly grateful for an incredible trip with great friends.

 at Key's View: Nathan, Amy, me & Shane

 at Jumbo Rocks!

 Dinner at Lulu's

 Pool to myself, first thing in the am, under a mountain. Blessed.

View from the top!

Day 396-398: All the tiny beautiful wondrous details

Day II.31 (396) - Monday, July 16, 2012

“...the true secret of happiness lies in the taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life...”
-William Morris

 

Day II.32 (397) - Tuesday, July 17, 2012

“Anything one does every day is important and imposing and anywhere one lives is interesting and beautiful.”
-Gertrude Stein

 

Day II.33 (398) - Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Check this view out! Culver City Stairs (x4): this is your reward.

 

Days 390 - 395: Purity through fire

Day II.25 (390) - Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Things are moving forward. I'm so happy. I'm so grateful for my life. I am so alive.

Day II.26 (391) - Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sometimes you have to make some bad decisions to realize what's really important. And if you're lucky, you figure it out before you've screwed up a good thing beyond salvation.


Day II.27 (392) - Thursday, July 12, 2012
I'm grateful today for the realization that I've changed and transformed so positively in the past year. I'm in such a better place. I'm grateful for everything that happened, especially the travails - like a purifying fire, they burned so much weakness out of me. I will never accept less again.


Day II.28 (393) - Friday, July 13, 2012
I gave notice at USC today, and I'm so grateful for the validation and kindness which with I was met. I am grateful that my whole life is out in the open now. No secrets. (Well, almost....)

Day II.29 (394) - Saturday, July 14, 2012
The last free weekend in LA. This time around. Massively productive. Thankful for that, and physical safety.

Day II.30 (395) - Sunday, July 15, 2012
Culver City Stairs - 4 times. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Days 386-388: Blue skies and blue oceans

Day II.21 (386) - Friday July 6, 2012

Thank God for riding my bike to work and getting up endorphins to survive work on a summer Friday!

Day II.22 (387) - Saturday July 7, 2012

My friend Noor was in town this weekend, and it was great to catch up with her. We went to a lovely rooftop bar in Venice Beach, recommended by my dear friend Shane.

I also got a completely sweet compliment from a stranger. Mark Twain once wrote, "I can last a whole year on a good compliment." I know the feeling.

Then Noor and I went to the beach.

What a lovely day, full of simple pleasures, here in paradise!

Day II.23 (388) - Sunday July 8, 2012
View from the top of the Culver City stairs! Check out this panorama.

Day 382-385: New Horizons

Day II.17 (382) - Monday July 2, 2012
I just flipped back through my posts - I am going to cheat, and share something I'm grateful for and didn't post (I can't believe it slipped my mind, but hey).

I got invited to present my master's research at a conference at NYU Abu Dhabi this coming December. All expenses paid. I can't believe it. I get accepted to present at conferences fairly frequently so that part is fine, but to have an institution pay to fly me internationally to a conference? To the place I've been writing about for three years now but have yet to visit?

Indescribably exciting.

Also, you know when you start going down the right path, it can be tough at first but then so many things line up and open up and just burst into blossom and you are so validated and your heart is full of joy and contentment and satisfaction? Yes, that.


Day II.18 (383) - Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I did three circuits of the Culver City stairs. At the end of two (my normal count), I was tired. But then I saw a girl who had already done two as well (we had crossed paths), and she was going for a third. So I went too. Because if that girl can do it, so can I.

Competitiveness is not very Buddhist, or in line with the values of generosity, gratitude, and holding oneself to one's own rubric. But for me, I am grateful and encouraged by seeing the tremendous acts of power, strength, or freedom of others. In doing great things, others liberate me - give me permission - to push myself farther, to grow, to try something new.

So I did three circuits. My legs were shaking when I got to the bottom on the third go. But I did it. My body did it. I love being strong. I love challenging myself. So thank you, redheaded girl in the pink shirt, for stretching my horizon of the possible.


Day II.19 (384) - Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I'm grateful to be a citizen of this country. Yes, she has her flaws, but she's a great nation. And we have the power, the voice, to hold her accountable to be better, more inclusive, to be more fair, more just. Happy birthday, America!

Day II.20 (385) - Thursday, July 5, 2012


I have just discovered Ellie Goulding (LOVE), and this song has just struck a chord with me and my experience, my place right now. I am excited for what the future brings. As Emily Dickinson wrote, "I dwell in possibility." And, "Hope is the thing with feathers / That perches in the soul." Right now, there are feathers in my soul.

Day 380-381: Each step is clarity

Day II.15 (380): Saturday, June 30, 2012
Last hurrah at 1945! Much-needed relaxation time in the hot tub after a long day of packing with my best friend and her delightful family.

Day II.16 (381): Sunday, July 1, 2012

It's a slog, but the view from the top is worth it, and you'll never regret it.

I think I like this hike because it reminds me somewhat of Wat Phou in Laos. This is about 1/5 of it: the design is such that each step is meant to remind the worshipper to be mindful of his or her journey toward the temple. With each step there is more clarity.

California weekends

 Day II.6 (371): Thursday, June 21, 2012
Today I finally got some much needed dental surgery thanks to some serious periodontal generosity. To be able to eat without pain! Such a small thing seemingly that affects so much, but something for which I'm profoundly grateful!


Day II.7 (372): Friday, June 22, 2012
Culver City stairs again - no multi-day pain afterwards. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Day II.8 (373): Saturday, June 23, 2012
Another bucket list item checked off today: the Gamble House in Pasadena.

 There is literally beauty everywhere you look here. No detail has been left unattended; everything is beautiful and functional and completely coherent.

Day II.9 (374): Sunday, June 24, 2012

I love this sentiment.


Day II.10 (375): Monday, June 25, 2012 

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
-Buddha

 

How lovely to just let go.

Day 1, Year II

Gratitude, Part II

Day II.1 (366): Friday, June 15, 2012
Things are slowly starting to fall in line for my move. This is gratifying. And slow.

Day II.2 (367): Saturday June 16, 2012
Today I worked on my LA bucket list. I did the Culver City stairs twice. My legs only ached for five days afterwards.

Then I took myself on a date to the Museum of Jurassic Technology. This fascinating little labyrinth of a museum is a complete charmer. I enjoyed my solo self-date and finished up with a cup of tea in the rooftop courtyard, watching the birds, & listening to the man play the accordion.

 Up next on the bucket list: the Gamble House in Pasadena, Joshua Tree, Mt. Wilson Observatory.

Day II.3 (368) - Sunday June 17, 2012

 Sometimes the most beautiful thing is to share a walk with a friend and truly be present with them. So much of the time, we spend time with people or communicate with them without truly listening, without really being present. The greatest gift you can offer someone is your presence. You are the greatest gift you can offer someone.

Day II.4 (369): Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Follow your dreams! The universe is giving you pointers, if you just look for them...

Day II.5 (370): Wednesday, June 20, 2012

 I like this graffiti. It is my aspiration to love wherever I happen to be, by seeing these places for what they are and appreciating their unique characters.

Today I discovered that Northwestern has a sailing center. A sailing center! How great is that. They rent kayaks and stand-up paddleboards to explore Lake Michigan. Now that's something to look forward to!