After *ahem* several years' hiatus, I've decided to start another round of the Gratitude Project. I debated beginning a new blog, to reflect who I am now, and not bring the cringeworthy baggage of my doctoral training, or my prior failed relationships, or just prior failures - to this new endeavor. But the truth is, that's all a part of me. I carry that baggage in real life. So I carry it here too. I ask that you, (few) readers, be kind and forgive these awkward growing pains.
So now we're in a global pandemic, and my country's leadership has overwhelmingly failed our population. The pandemic has brought our economy crashing down, and revealed all the classist and racialized and gendered fractures in our society. In academe, the field I've chosen, there are dire reports of the collapse of college in America, as well as clear signs that women academics will be farther behind when and if things return to some semblance of normal. There is significant gaslighting about returning to normal, which of course some predicted.
As I write this, there are protestors one block away from me, hair stylists angry that Gov Lamont (CT) has declined to allow them to go back to work. I have become a full-time stay@home mom, which is not a role that suits me. Of course my partner and I have fought a lot during quarantine, because we haven't seen anyone else in 11 weeks (in real life). I am frustrated with my situation: my inability to properly engage and teach my toddler, my inability to communicate with my partner at times, my inability to do meaningful work, my consistent bouts with depression...on a broader level, with the world situation, with everything. I know I am incredibly privileged. That's kind of what makes it worse - that my situation is the ideal situation for lockdown.
I have been meditating consistently, working out consistently, but these practices have been small goals I've kept to myself. So here is my attempt to focus on cultivating gratitude, again, in a new time, in unforeseen challenges, with some more public accountability. Or at least the idea of it.
Today, on Tuesday May 19, 2020, Day 72 of lockdown, I am grateful for:
- the crinkle in my toddler's nose when he smiles at me, usually up close, usually holding my face in his chubby little hands
-I bought a peony plant and a beautiful pot for it this past weekend. It's quite beautiful, and I'm looking forward to seeing its blooms here very soon!
So now we're in a global pandemic, and my country's leadership has overwhelmingly failed our population. The pandemic has brought our economy crashing down, and revealed all the classist and racialized and gendered fractures in our society. In academe, the field I've chosen, there are dire reports of the collapse of college in America, as well as clear signs that women academics will be farther behind when and if things return to some semblance of normal. There is significant gaslighting about returning to normal, which of course some predicted.
As I write this, there are protestors one block away from me, hair stylists angry that Gov Lamont (CT) has declined to allow them to go back to work. I have become a full-time stay@home mom, which is not a role that suits me. Of course my partner and I have fought a lot during quarantine, because we haven't seen anyone else in 11 weeks (in real life). I am frustrated with my situation: my inability to properly engage and teach my toddler, my inability to communicate with my partner at times, my inability to do meaningful work, my consistent bouts with depression...on a broader level, with the world situation, with everything. I know I am incredibly privileged. That's kind of what makes it worse - that my situation is the ideal situation for lockdown.
I have been meditating consistently, working out consistently, but these practices have been small goals I've kept to myself. So here is my attempt to focus on cultivating gratitude, again, in a new time, in unforeseen challenges, with some more public accountability. Or at least the idea of it.
Today, on Tuesday May 19, 2020, Day 72 of lockdown, I am grateful for:
- the crinkle in my toddler's nose when he smiles at me, usually up close, usually holding my face in his chubby little hands
-I bought a peony plant and a beautiful pot for it this past weekend. It's quite beautiful, and I'm looking forward to seeing its blooms here very soon!
I'm so excited for the return of this gratitude project!
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