Since getting back from the Middle East, I've been struggling to readjust. Part of it has been the whirlwind of getting engaged, part of it is that I have a lot of free time (I know, after last year in grad school, I'm complaining?) and school doesn't start up again for another week and a half. That's a lot of time to be in my own head. The wedding industry makes me feel bad about myself, like I don't quite know how to be a woman and like a failure for not having a wedding binder or an interest in ruching, tulle and sequins (for the record: none of these will appear in our wedding). In my attempts to make others happy, I've been wandering for what brings me joy.
I had a great conversation with Ruby yesterday; when I told her about my fears and insecurities about being a bride, she said, "Fuck it!" She reminded me that this wedding is my wedding (our wedding), and told me to trust my own style (and that it was cool. Which was a nice thing to hear). After all, I can be no one else but me. I won't ever be the bride on the cover of the magazine; that's not my style. And there are people in my program who will judge me for my life choices, and I can't help that. So this project is about recognizing and owning myself, much like the Gratitude Project was about focusing on the good things in my life. This project is about cultivating joy and honoring beauty, in whatever forms they come, so I can feel myself on solid ground and accept the decisions and choices I've made, regardless of the consequences.
So here is my first post: mountains give me joy. This is looking west from Ballard in Seattle, over the Olympic Mountains at sunset.
More of this, please!
I had a great conversation with Ruby yesterday; when I told her about my fears and insecurities about being a bride, she said, "Fuck it!" She reminded me that this wedding is my wedding (our wedding), and told me to trust my own style (and that it was cool. Which was a nice thing to hear). After all, I can be no one else but me. I won't ever be the bride on the cover of the magazine; that's not my style. And there are people in my program who will judge me for my life choices, and I can't help that. So this project is about recognizing and owning myself, much like the Gratitude Project was about focusing on the good things in my life. This project is about cultivating joy and honoring beauty, in whatever forms they come, so I can feel myself on solid ground and accept the decisions and choices I've made, regardless of the consequences.
So here is my first post: mountains give me joy. This is looking west from Ballard in Seattle, over the Olympic Mountains at sunset.
More of this, please!
Hey! Ruby's mantra is my mantra! Cheers to that!
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