Summer in Winter

Thursday, November 8, 2012 - Day II.147 (511)
 A night off! Or rather, a night with my fantastic cohort and Mr. Bond...



Friday, November 9, 2012 - Day II.148 (512)
Max Weber complicates the idea of 'calling' or beruf within the Protestant tradition and coupling it to an ideology of labor, morality and social cohesion...

...but I still think this is what I am meant to do.
And am, despite it all, so lucky to spend my days immersed in exploring and learning the world in its ravishing diversity.



Saturday, November 10, 2012 - Day II.149 (513)
My best friend started using Instagram, giving me access to pictures of the cutest boys in the world 24/7! So grateful for technology that helps me bear this separation from the people and place I love mildly more bearable.

Sunday, November 11, 2012- Day II.150 (514)
Today was bright and sunny, and 60 degrees! Perfect day for a run along the beach.

Monday, November 12, 2012 -Day II.151 (515)
Today my roommate revealed that I had a bottle of wine I didn't know about. I thought it was hers. Oh what small delights are mine!

Also, it snowed! How beautiful it is, from inside my warm house.

What could I possibly ask for for Christmas? Everything I cherish is already mine.

Buds & Blossoms

Friday, October 19 - Day II.127 (491) to Monday, November 5, 2012 - Day 144 (508)
Sometimes the well runs dry. Sometimes you have to start over. Sometimes you can't bring yourself to acknowledge the truth about yourself: the truths that are ugly, that counter who you try to be, the ones you just keep wishing weren't true.

My mind is tremendously powerful, and I am trying to work myself out of the box I have mentally created.

I have to let go of so many things to get to the next place - so many habits that brought me successfully here will not allow me to evolve into what is coming next. So I have to let go, jump into a void, create space for mistakes, allow myself to mess up, risk looking foolish, and run (kicking and screaming, let's be honest) out of my comfort zone.

In the past weeks, I keep returning to three quotations, that, if we are to believe linguistic anthropologists and their belief that our choice of words and self-expression reveal deeper structures of personhood, identity, and self-construction, represent this self I am building into:

"All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
...
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die."    - WH Auden
      This so much as we prepare to vote. So relevant - but also as I think about the kind of anthropologist - and thinker - I want to be and what I hope to contribute as my legacy to the way people understand the world.

And also:
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul"  - Emily Dickinson
May there always be hope. May there always be hope.

And finally: 

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”    -Anais Nin

 Tuesday, November 6, 2012 - Day II.145 (509)
Congratulations to Barack Obama!



"What makes America exceptional are the bonds that hold together the most diverse nation on earth.
The belief that our destiny is shared; that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another and to future generations.  The freedom which so many Americans have fought for and died for come with responsibilities as well as rights.
And among those are love and charity and duty and patriotism.  That's what makes America great."
-Barack Obama, Acceptance Speech, 11.6.2012

I am happy - and so so so so relieved - to have my faith in this country reaffirmed, and this man as my president for the next four years. It is reassuring that when you stand up for values, that is worth something, still. 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012 - Day II.146 (510)
May you be blessed enough to have a best friend who acts as a mirror, holding you back up to yourself in clarity when you cannot see yourself.

Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.

You know who you are. Thank you. I love you.

The 480s, and the meaning of life (while we're at it)

Monday, October 1 - Day II.109 (473) - Thursday, October 18 - Day II.126 (490)
So when your hope's on fire...don't hold a glass over the flame, don't let your heart grow cold, I will call your name, I will share your road.  - Mumford & Sons, Hopeless Wanderer 
 
Ok fine. This is cheating a little bit. But grad school is tough, so I get some concessions, right?

Grad school makes you focus on the important things. Tonight I am brought low in the face of them.

I have so many blessings: I have a great roommate, who helps me manage the rigors of this program and its demands; I have a great apartment that is a beautiful space to live in; I have my health. I get to bike to school most days along Lake Michigan, and I get to watch this great body of water, so big she has waves!, I get to watch her change colors and seasons and know her movements, great & small. I get to watch the trees turn colors as the seasons change, and the leaves fall, and I reminded how fantastic seasons are: they teach us, as Parker Palmer reminds us, to appreciate the circumstance we are in.

My mother had two children because she wanted us to have each other after she and my father were gone. Every day I am grateful for my sister, already. To know someone in your soul, what this means....I think many people go through life without this kind of connection to another person.

I am thankful for Search, all those years ago, a retreat put on by the Jesuits at SU, because that experience created the most caring friendships I have. My life is definitely a search, a quest. But it would be nothing without the companion that Search gave me - my friendship with Berna has been sustaining, deep, and powerful - in ways I anticipated, and in ways I did not foresee. It is trite to say I am grateful for this amazing and our ever-growing friendship, but I am not sure how to convey this sentiment any more honestly than that. Our lives are vastly different, and take us in different directions, but the wisdom, love and validation that she offers me are unceasing. I can only aspire to reflect that back to her, to earn that honor.

I am so thankful for Rob. At my dear friend Shane's wedding, the officiant noted that when you find your other, it takes courage to recognize that, to see it, to own it, to grow into that relationship, to be seen for who you are and acknowledged and loved for that. She was right. It does take courage, and ownership...but there is nothing more meaningful or worthy in life. How lucky am I, to find a man who sees me in my entirety and loves me anyway, who shares the same joy and delight at life's eccentricities, whose kindness and generosity know no bounds? This love is absolutely life's highest calling, and greatest blessing and I cherish it every moment.



to have & to hold, a lover of the light

There are not words enough for this gratitude - it overwhelms me, renders me (even me!) speechless and tearful in the face of it.

I cannot be me without you.

I wish for you every blessing, every deep love, every good thing that this earth and its people can offer to one another.



 

What it means to start school again at 30

 Sunday, Sept 23 - Day II.101 (465)
Safe travels from NM, albeit delayed, to CO.

Monday, Sept 24 - Day II.102 (466) 
I'm thankful for all the help I got with my multiple car problems. 


Tuesday, Sept 25 - Day II.103 (467)
Safe travels from Omaha to Chicago. Home, again, kind of.

Wednesday, Sept 26 - Day II.104 (468)
Today I had lunch with my advisor. I know that I am lucky to work with a woman who already has tenure and multiple books out, and who is responsive and positive and completely has my back. I am very lucky, honored to work with her, and completely determined to make her proud of me.

 Thursday, Sept 27 - Day II.105 (469) 

Today was my first day of class again. I felt so childlike, in some respects.

Also, am grateful to my stellar boyfriend for all my school supplies (see above). 

Friday, Sept 28 - Day II.106 (470)
Sometimes you just need a night at home. It's been so hectic - I am grateful for the breather, before things get even more hectic.

Saturday, Sept 29 - Day II.107 (471)
I really do love the Rogers Park Fruit Market. Gotta love a place where you can get Vietnamese hot sauce, taro, feta and fresh thyme. I also went to Dominick's for the first time today. I think I like it better than Ralph's in LA...


Sunday, September 30 - Day II.108 (472)

If I'm honest, I didn't get the break I needed to be able to process how huge this shift in my life is; my transition was altogether too chaotic, terrible and all-around tardy to allow any space for that kind of reflecting. I don't feel at home here and this city just feels weird to me. There is something on edge about it in a way that I find disconcerting. I realized that I hadn't even talked about how this feels like my fake life - like I'm going to go back to USC, and to LA and my beloved community there - at some point. But this is my real life, despite what it feels like, and this is my real career, and everything matters about 1500 times more than it ever has before.

Now I'm grappling with the effects of a stressful move, while trying to gain ground and establish myself in my true profession. I'll get there. Tonight was the first night that I felt like I was owning myself, owning this decision, fitting into the capacious shoes set in front of me.  Let's be honest, this program is incredibly rigorous and cuts across subfields, so I'll be required to be proficient in biological anthropology and archaeology, both of which I have no background in & I'm diving in at the 401 level. I want, I need, to be successful at this.

So thank you, Micaela, for that.

Love, Actually

Tuesday, September 18 - Day II.95 (460) 

Today I arrived safely to my grandmother's place in Los Alamos. This place is holy to me. It is the only place I feel is something akin to "home." This is truly tierra sagrada, and I am so grateful for every moment here.

My grandmother's handmade stained glass windows

Wednesday, September 19 - Day II.97 (461)
Today I had to shell out a lot of money to make my car safe. But at least my car is safe.

Thursday, September 20 - Day II.98 (462)

Nothing quite like a New Mexico hike - we did the Red Dot Trail down from the mesa to the Rio Grande. And yes, we jumped into the pool when we finished.


Friday, September 21 - Day II.99 (463)Bandelier. I love this place, in all its seasons, in all its permutations.

Enter the kiva!

Climbing to Alcove House

View of Frijolito Canyon

Reward for a long hike

Saturday, September 22 - Day II.100 (464)
I believe in love.

Congratulations to Shane & Jesse!

Hacienda Dona Andrea by night

Congratulations to my dear friends on their wedding day. I am tremendously honored and excited to be here with them on this special day, and to celebrate love. May we all have the joy, privilege and right to marry our person.

On the Road Again...Chicago to Colorado

Sunday, Sept 16 - Day II.93 (458)

 Safe travels today from Chicago to Omaha, Nebraska. This country has some serious prairie in the middle, and a lot of space. This whole "amber waves of grain" thing is pretty beautiful.

Monday, Sept 17 - Day II.94 (459)
 Today I cut across Nebraska and then down through Kansas to Colorado.

 I spent the night with my dear friend Kim from high school. Her husband made us strawberry margaritas and let us watch girly tv - what a great guy!

I am grateful for a few moments stolen with an old friend to catch up.
Tuesday I'll drive on to New Mexico. As I came to central Colorado, the land starts turning familiar and I can feel the excitement in my blood. That's one of the reasons that I love driving instead of flying - you can see the land change. You understand the terrain, how things melt together and evolve gracefully. I can feel New Mexico coming - every time I come to this place, I am draw, it's magnetic. This place is holy holy ground for me, this place is home, this place is a piece of my soul. 
 

Moving to Chicago, the final coda

Friday, Sept 14 - Day II.91 (456)
Chicago Files

Today, while still waiting for the movers to remotely arrive in a timely fashion and deliver my belongings (now that we are officially on the far side of my delivery window), I rode my bike farther down the lake shore. This time I went all the way to Navy Pier, past North Avenue Beach.

Saturday, Sept 15 - Day II.92 (457)
Chicago Files
I had to stay around my neighborhood today because of the movers delivering my mess. 
So I went for a run up to Evanston, where Northwestern is - it's about 2.9 miles, and I can run up the lake the whole way. 

 I also walked over to my fave coffee shop and got a coffee. Rogers Park has a mystery crafter, who just leaves these little guys all over. I love it!

Now that my stuff is here, I'll take off Sunday on my road trip down to New Mexico to visit my grandmother and attend Shane & Jesse's wedding (with a hot date on my arm! I'm such a lucky girl!).  So I'll post my gratitude from the road, and when I return to Chicago on the 25th, I am officially and for the foreseeable future a Chicagoan!

Poutin Stil

Day II.90 (455): Thursday, September 13
Chicago Files

I have located my local bar. Now I can really settle in.

I am starting to get my bearings here: where the Walgreens is, the Dominick's (big grocery chain), the fruit market, the train stop, the local coffee shop and the local bar...these things are key. Last night I met up with Shardul, a friend from NYU, and I picked a bar that was close to my apartment so I could walk there and home.

The bar is very laid back and has a Jack Russell terrier mascot who hangs out there, and even sits on the bar stools. This is definitely the kind of relaxed atmosphere that will help me survive grad school.

Day II.89 (454): Surmounting Bureaucracy

Chicago Files
Today was about bureaucracy. Everyone's. But particularly the Illinois DMV.

I am excited to get into why I'm here, and relieved to have the long lines and "take a number from the dispenser" do-you-have-15-irrelevant-form -collated-properly thing behind me...

Day 449 - 453: Baby steps in a new town

Day II.84 (449) - Friday, September 7
Chicago Files
I am definitely starting my Chicago Bucket list. I have at least seven restaurants on here already.
On the list:
Frontera Grill
The Girl & The Goat
Belly Shack
Koval Distillery
Goose Island Brewery
North Shore Distillery
How grateful I am to live in a place with so much to explore!

Day II.85 (450) - Saturday, September 8
Chicago Files

 When in Andersonville, check out the Brown Elephant thrift shop. It's quite the experience, housed in an old theater.

You come across some serious finds. Clearly.
Side note for gratitude: how grateful I am for this man, who makes me laugh. I'm so glad to spend time with him every chance I get, and we have a great time no matter what we do!

Day II.86 (451) - Sunday, September 9
Chicago Files
Today I learned two things about my new city:
1). Bears fans are for real. Everything you heard about them is true.
2). There is some seriously covet-worthy real estate in this town. Like this place!
(Of course the nerd in me would love to live in a conservation project)

Day II.87 (452) - Monday, September 10
Chicago Files
Chicago is a bike town. At least right now! We'll see how the two-wheelers hold up in the snow. I rode my bike from my apartment down the lakefront.
There's a golf course on the lake, and a cafe called the Clock Tower.

Day II.88 (453) - Tuesday, September 11
Chicago Files
Today I swam for the first time at Northwestern's pool. It's great - nice & big, with windows overlooking Lake Michigan.

I also visited the Roger's Park Fruit Market, at the corner of Clark and Rogers Ave. I highly recommend it: it reminds me of Three Guys in Brooklyn, my favorite place to shop for groceries in NYC. Perhaps it was the weird Jamaican spices and odd mix of immigrant foods (Asian, Caribbean, Hispanic) and delicious fresh produce, but whatever it is, it's my new go-to place in the neighborhood.

Day 443 - 448: Los Angeles to Chicago

Day II.78 (443) - Saturday, September 1
Thank god for Bernadette. Again. Thank god. 
Los Angeles, California to Salina, Utah
A new month, a new life, a new project underway...what a lovely view from the last morning in California (for a while, at least!)

And at the end of the day, the Arizona/Utah border...

Day II.79 (444): Sunday, September 2
Safe passage from Salina, Utah to Cheyenne, Wyoming

 Good morning, Utah!

 Central Utah...

Where are we now? Oh lordy.

Wyoming...big sky country for reals.

Sunset over Wyoming. Big sky country don't mess around with sunsets - this was one of the most spectacular & stunning nightfalls I've ever lived through.

Day II.80 (445): Monday, September 3
Cheyenne, Wyoming to Omaha, Nebraska

And a homecooked meal. YES!

Day II.81 (446): Tuesday, September 4
Omaha, Nebraska to Chicago, Illinois
The inexplicable road tripper's pleasure of finally seeing your destination on the sign:

Picnic tabletop in Iowa

Welcome to Illinois!

Check out my new digs:

 Pretty sweet! Shirts for sale at my new local coffee shop:

Day II.82 (447) - Wednesday, September 5
So Leslie and I took care of ourselves today by going to the Art Institute and play in downtown Chicago. After all that time in the car, it felt so great to not be traveling and to walk around on a glorious late summer day.

 Day II.83 (448) - Thursday, September 6
Got my WildCard at Northwestern today, so I'm officially a Wildcat! Until 2017. Goodness. Went for a run by the lake. I never thought a lake could be as blue as Lake Michigan was today. I'm so excited to learn this city.

As I was running, I was mentally linking the path I was on against the map in my head. I knew there'd be an overlook where you should be able to see the city skyline. I started to run faster - instinctively, as I got closer, I knew it was coming, I could feel somehow something exciting was just around the curve.

And there was.

I am so profoundly grateful to be here, in this moment, in this now. I am so profoundly grateful for my LA community, for my home. I am so profoundly grateful for what is coming: for the friendships I have, for the man I can't get enough of, for the studies I'm undertaking, for the community I'm growing here. I must truly be the luckiest girl in the world. And I'm enjoying it. This life is so full of goodness, and I want to honor that.