Day 108: Friday!!

Today I'm grateful for a lovely after-work hike up by Griffith Observatory - and getting out a little early, too! It was a gorgeous afternoon, mostly sunny but with fragments of clouds streaked across the sky. For a second, it started to rain and the dirt smelled amazing.






Also, a little levity: I got my new California driver's license in the mail. It looked fine to me, but today I got carded at Trader Joe's buying wine, and the sales clerk found the error.

Can you spot it?



Yep, you guessed it. I'm not 129 years old.

Day 107: Sorrel lemonade

Tonight I had dinner with my awesome friend Maegan at Sky's Tacos. I walked there (a throwback to my NY days) and was happy to support a neighborhood business!

I'm thankful for sorrel lemonade. Yum!

I'm also thankful that tomorrow is Friday. Being in an office all week is draining!

Day 106: Going Left

More glorious LA graffiti/street art, seen today (on Highland between Willoughby & Melrose):

"If nothing is going right, go left."

I am thankful for new eyes. I promised a dear friend today that I'd start flipping the car around and taking pictures of these, so you can see what my eyes see.

I'm also incredibly grateful for openings, possibilities...it's a secret now, more soon (inshallah).

I am also thankful for a peaceful hike up by the Griffith Observatory after work; it was an overcast day and the earth smelled damp and sweet. All of LA was spread out below me, but hidden in fog (smog?). It seemed apt: I know there is something amazing and wonderful and new and waiting to be discovered right in front of me, but all I can glimpse is the edges. I have to bravely take a few steps into the unknown before the rest of the path lays itself before my feet - and be still in my heart so I can hear my heart to know that that is the path.

Day 104 & 105

Monday, September 26

Today was a hard one. It was the first day in the office at my new job, and I got a parking ticket while at dinner with a former colleague. A wave of grief hit me as I headed home - just everything all at once, and it came out my tearducts like it usually does.

So I took a hot bath & curled up with this guy.



I'm so lucky to have him - he's tremendously entertaining, and I'm so thankful he picked me to go home with at the shelter five years ago. He's been cuddling away my sadness and making me laugh at his crazy antics ever since.



Tuesday, September 27
Today I passed by a graffiti mural that read, "The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace" (Carlos Santana).

The most valuable possession is an open heart.

I am grateful to notice these reminders everywhere, to see this city with fresh eyes as I take on a new commute and living in a new (to me!) part of LA.

And I continue to be thankful for my sister, because I know people who haven't hit the jackpot with their siblings, but I hit the tri-state lottery jackpot when it was up past a billion.

Day 103: Rest in peace, Dan

Today I'm thankful for lots of things, like sunny "fall" days here in Los Angeles when I get to brunch at Alcove with my bff, Alex. PS - brunch was amazing too!

Then I got to catch up with my friend Lucas, who is one of my oldest friends.

AND I got to visit with Maegan and friends at her end-of-summer picnic.


On a more serious note, I unfortunately learned this morning that one of my fellow SU alums passed away in a tragic car accident. Dan Strickland was a great person - brilliant and talented, a junior professor at UCSC after finishing graduate work at Stanford. I am deeply saddened to hear of his passing, and tremendously inspired by the outpouring of love and support I have witnessed. Dan's Facebook wall is covered with pictures and comments from his friends about how he positively impacted their lives, and how much he will be missed. How short and unpredictable are our lives, and how must we make every second count. I am grateful to know people like Dan, who leave the world a better place than they found it (and always with a smile on his face, never complaining!). Rest in peace, Dan; know that you lived your life well. You are loved.

Day 102: A Bed

Sometimes life is such that you find yourself grateful for the most simple, quotidian things. Like today, I am thankful for my bed. Because it arrived today, after a month touring the US with FlatRate moving, and I get to sleep on it (after sweetly coaxing the FlatRate guys to put the frame together for me) and for the first time since moving in two weeks ago, I will not be sleeping on my rather stiff Ikea foldout couch. Few things in life are as simple and delightful as sleeping in one's own bed.

I am so thankful that all my belongings are here now. In a way, it feels as if life has been on hold, and I get to press play again. Back to reality!

Day 101: Catgrass

Here's the catgrass after I planted it on September 16th.


Here it is today, the 23rd! What a difference a week makes.

Today I got a lot of joy from being the catgrass inside for the boys to enjoy. I loved watching them discover it and start loving on it.

Bitty finds the catgrass from beth harrington on Vimeo.

It's my hope that this little gift to them will result in them leaving the rest of my plants alone...

Also, I'm grateful for Friday! I'm a working girl again. And today, I only had to work a half day given the demands of the seminar. Here's to Friday afternoons off!

Day 100!

First, I'm grateful to have made it to one hundred days of gratitude. And I'm proud to say that this project has been a huge force in shifting my attitude - I'm pretty sure it's permanent, too. I'm finding myself naturally orienting towards the positive, the gratitude, the blessing side and focusing less on the upset, angry, ugly, negative side. This is a massive coup, teaching myself to think differently! I'm very grateful for it.



Today I got surprised by an invitation to a Dodgers game. I didn't even know who they were playing until I got into the stadium, but I went. I'm not much of a sports fan, but I was thankful to be invited and I had a great time. So here's to surprise invites, and having great friends whose fancy law firms give them great comp tickets to events. (I have never sat so close in a game before!)

It's been a long week - and I'm thankful tomorrow is Friday! After all, now I'm a working girl again.

Day 98 & 99

So much for the tardy posts, eh...

Day 98
Tuesday, September 20

I'm so grateful for my last day of freedom! I went to an orientation for my new job, had lunch, and got to spend a lovely afternoon relaxing before heading down to a yacht club in Redondo Beach.

Also, I unpacked Steinbeck's East of Eden and started reading it. This book was a leftover from my East Village apartment - the previous tenant left it, I of course co-opted it, but hadn't gotten around to reading it in 3 years. I started reading this story of California (and so many other things) and it has been hard to put down!

I am grateful for so many opportunities, for little moments and stolen pleasures, and for new discoveries (to me) that have been in front of me for so long. It's a bit of a reminder of the importance of always looking with fresh eyes.


Day 99
Wednesday, September 21

I'm thankful for my friend Berna reminding me to be patient. Life will never be ideal, but it's pretty good; just because everything in my life isn't fixed overnight doesn't mean that it will remain broken forever, or that the fix isn't on the way. I need to remember my learning from this whole journey, that things take their own sweet time to get right.

I'm also thankful for my friend Aubrey, who celebrates her birthday and her life today.

And finally, but certainly not least, I am grateful for the news that my belongings will be delivered on Saturday. At last, my bed & bookcases & bike! Of course, I must point out, as with most things on this westward journey, I was worried because my delivery window coincided with my start date in my new role. And yet, things worked out, without me having to push them. Perhaps the most important learning for me is: whoaaaaa. S.l.o.w. d.o.w.n.

Day 94, 95, 96, & 97: Best friends, growing things, and unexpected twists

The last of the tardy moving posts! Internet installed and working great (so far, fingers crossed, find something wooden to knock on).

Day 94
Friday, September 16
Today I am so grateful for my best friend Alex and getting to spend the evening with him. We went to go see Drive and had a lovely dinner at a place in my neighborhood, Chic. It was pretty delicious!

Also, I will admit I found Ryan Gosling rather delicious in the movie as well. I'm grateful for the eye candy.



Day 95
Saturday, September 17

Today I hiked up Runyon Canyon, my favorite hike, and this was at the top. It wasn't there a few years ago, so someone came in and built this little ...birdhouse sculpture that's got some notebooks with visitor comments in it, and installed it up there during my 3-year NYC hiatus. My only words for this are: yes. Amen. Lead me from hate to love, from war to peace.

My heart is filled with solace here, climbing up, trusting my feet and my heart to make it to the top of these mountains. And every time, I see people climbing the same mountain ahead of me - all of us pushing ourselves to the summit, and it encourages me. I hope, too, that someone behind me is seeing me struggle upwards, and is encouraged and pulled up by my climb. We are all on our journeys, we are all pushing ourselves to get to the top so we can see the amazing view. Cause the view from the top is always better, and always worth it.

Day 96
Sunday, September 18



Here's a snapshot of my budding patio garden. When my things arrive, I'll add a little table. This morning I sat outside and had breakfast. The sky was bright robin's egg blue, and it was so lovely just to sit in peace and look at my plants growing.

I am so grateful to be closer to the earth again!

And, reporting back on my hydrangeas, my mother shared with me an interesting fact. Hydrangeas derive their color from the soil's Ph levels. So the level of acidity in these soils turn the blooms that gorgeous violet or pink. When I potted my plant, it was blue. It is starting to shift to a lighter pink, so I guess that the soil I bought and planted it in is different than what was in the pot. The result is a lovely mix of indigo and rosy petals. The lesson I extract from this is: a). bloom where you're planted, and b). we derive strength and color, life and vibrancy, from the situations we're in. Sometimes you just need to change your soil, and all of a sudden, you're blooming in a color you never dreamed of.

Day 97
Monday, September 19

Today I'm grateful for the internet! It's really helpful in getting things accomplished. And it means I can post my gratitude in a timely fashion, research things, and let's be honest, watch tv shows like Louie and Wilfred on Hulu.

I'm also glad to have a number of errands taken care of, as I start work on Wednesday. I could not be more grateful for the time that I've had between these two chapters of my life - to have the time to transition slowly, own it - rather than just jump off a plane and say, "New life starts now!" I've needed the time to process things, both emotionally and logistically (the CA DMV, among other things, requires approximately 300% more time than you plan). For once, I have taken things slowly and given myself the time to do it right, rather than just push through quickly. I have some things lingering that need to be tied off, or up, or processed, but I will remember with gratitude that this journey, these months, have taught me that things come in time, and exactly at the time they are meant to, and I can stop pushing and chomping at the bit. I'm thankful for that lesson, and that experience.

I have to say, too, I find it so much easier to be grateful here. I am happy. I am so thankful for my life - for all the good and bad in it, for the choices I've made, for the friends I've found, for the family I was born into. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel so lucky; I am filled with joy and gratitude that it keeps spilling out of me. Georgia O'Keeffe wrote, "When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it's your world for the moment. I want to give that world to someone else." I am so grateful for my blessings that it has brought me to an unexpected place, which is...wanting to share joy and blessings with others, to radiate happiness, to bring joy to others. And to think, this project came from wanting to help myself, but in the end, it is about celebrating life and others.

Update!

Just got internet in the new apartment. This will be very helpful in allowing me to update the gratitude in a timely fashion! I promise to catch up today - and then be more ...daily in my daily gratitudes! :)

Day 91, 92, 93

It's been a bit tough not having internet in the new apartment. Lots of things require internet - including setting up an appointment to GET internet installed. So I'm posting tardy for technical reasons!

Day 91: Tuesday, September 13
I am so thankful for sleep. I have been sleeping long and erratic hours. It is lovely!

Today my mother returned home to Omaha. It's been a bit strange, I feel like I'm rattling around the apartment. With only the boys & me, and a serious lack of furniture, it's pretty lonely!

Day 92: Wednesday, September 14
Today I am grateful for the Getty and again for Berna & Becky. I spend a good bit of the day at the Getty Center, visiting my old bosses Jeff & Kecia. It was great to catch up, and they had some good suggestions for people to get in touch with in terms of getting my foot in the door in the LA art world and starting to build some connections.



I returned to my little apartment pretty inspired! I had just enough time to roast my green chiles from NM, and fill my place with their delicious smell, before heading up to Pasadena to have dinner with Berna & Becky. There's nothing like the ease of laughing with old friends over a glass of wine and some dinner. They continually bring me joy, and that's even before I get to squeeze their adorable sons.

Day 93: Thursday, September 15
I have started a mini-garden on my new patio, and I discovered yesterday the the "half-sun" my new hydrangeas want (courtesy of the delightful Maegan M) is more like "shade." The poor blossoms were wilted Wednesday afternoon, shriveled in the warm California sun. So I had moved them to the back steps, where they would be shaded by the apartment and be in indirect light. I gave them a good drenching, and went to sleep.

This morning when I woke up, I peeked out back as I drank my coffee. The hydrangeas have returned to their full glory! It made me so hopeful, so thankful: sometimes when we find ourselves in a bad place, we just need to make little adjustments, and we can return to the most beautiful, right version of ourselves with a little help and a little looking after. Just like my hydrangeas.



Post made possible by the LA Public Library Wifi!

Day 90: Runyon Canyon

image from DailyISO.com


Today I am so grateful that I got to hike Runyon Canyon. I love doing this hike - it takes you immediately out of the city and into the desert. You inevitably emerge sweatier, tanned, and with dust all over your shoes. But the view from the top is pretty incredible.

Day 88 & 89: Route 66 to the Hollywood Bowl

for September 10, 2011

I am thankful to have arrived in LA after the road trip! This trip has brought me many truths, some surprising, some painful, and some expected. I was surprised to discover how I am optimistic now. A few times, I got into discussions with folks about how life is tough, the predicament of the world we live in today, and the difficulties facing a younger generation coming up to take the reins. I realized that I have a profoundly different outlook than I used to hold. I'm not sure if some of this comes from living with a laidback Aussie surfer for 3 years, from working hard on gratitude through the Gratitude Project, or quite what - maybe a combination of these things. But I recognize that yes, I face difficulties, but that I am more optimistic than I used to be. Being sad or defeated about the situation will not help me to overcome it, and I have discovered that if you look hard enough for the silver lining, it is always there. And you'll usually have a better time of it if you keep a positive outlook.

On Saturday, I woke up and went for a dip in the Route 66 pool in our hotel, and then we got a bit of a late start but pulled into LA around 3:30p. It felt great! Bruno, who was loose in the car, kept coming up to sniff the air coming through the vents. He was born here - I adopted him when I lived here previously - and he recognized home, too.




When I got to the apartment, Alex and Stephen had left a bouquet of flowers, along with a really sweet card and a great cd, a box of corn flakes, and some milk in the fridge. On the kitchen counter, there were two bowls and spoons. My heart overflowed - it was so kind, and I felt like I was home. I am so profoundly thankful to be here. I am so incredibly grateful that I met Alex on my first day of college, and that we have remained close. He is such a blessing in my life, and I am glad that he has found a wonderful partner in Stephen who appreciates him and cherishes him too. And how lucky am I that these two amazing friends live 10 minutes north of me?


for September 11th, 2011

What a tough day. It is hard to imagine what it would have been like in my second city ten years ago on that horrific day. I am profoundly grateful for my three years in that most incredible of cities. I love New York.

I am also grateful to be here - Maegan and I went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, with Neko Case and the National. I was so excited to see two of my favorites playing in one night! And at the Bowl, which is a gorgeous outdoor amphitheater that you can bring picnics and wine into. It was so beautiful to listen to such incredible musicians, outdoors in the Hollywood Hills under the light of the full moon. I felt life slowly entering back into me, with each chord and key I breathed more deeply.

Day 86: Zozobra; Day 87: Painted Desert

Zozobra before his demise, 9/8/2011

Tardy for 9/8/2011


Today I am grateful for the opportunity to burn my gloom. What I learned from the 87th annual burning of the Zozobra in Santa Fe was that gloom, fear, and misery will appear to be big, ugly, and indomitable from a distance. And they will protest fiercely when you decide to burn them, to eliminate them. They will make a huge fuss and it will seem like they will never go away. But we are more powerful than despair, misery and fear; in the end when we decide to get rid of them, we are ultimately more powerful and we can vanquish them.

There is something incredibly cathartic about writing your worries on a slip of paper, putting it in a box with the cares and stresses of 40,000 other people, and then watching a giant effigy with your worry-slips in it go up in flames. Whether it was Zozobra who took my worries or something else, I have banished Old Man Gloom in my heart and I am traveling lighter.

I'll add too that this year's Zozobra experienced a lengthy delay because the winds wouldn't die down enough for the fire department to allow the burning to take place (I guess a 50-foot burning man in a field with 40,000 people is probably a bit dangerous and a tiny liability...). My mom and I kept wondering if Zozobra would burn, or whether we'd be standing out in a chilly field in Santa Fe all night. It was taking forever! And we had changed our trip - stayed an extra night to see Zozobra, specifically - so it would have been a huge shame if we didn't get our gloom burned. And, like everything in this transition has been for me, it couldn't be rushed. I had to be patient, accept things in their own time, and steadfastly believe that things have a way of aligning when they are meant to be. Sure enough, at about 3 minutes past the point when we had said we'd leave, the ceremony began. I think in the end, it started right on time.

(I do have some great video, which I'll post here when I'm not in Kingman, AZ, where the wifi connection is not quite beefy enough to handle all the multimedia I want to share with you!)


For Friday, September 9, 2011
Wow I am grateful that tomorrow is the final day of the road trip. It's been long, and the cats and I are starting to show the strain of travel, exhaustion, and frustration. I am so excited to be in my new space, which is not my car.






I am also grateful for the opportunity to visit Petrified Forest National Park, which includes the Painted Desert and the Petrified Forest. It was a lovely detour, and I constantly am amazed by the desert's beauty. The colors in the painted desert were incredible, and it was great to see this gorgeous place: I found myself thinking of the desert painters I had seen at the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum in Santa Fe and at Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu. As for the petrified wood, I had seen small pieces of petrified wood before, but never giant logs that still resembled trees. I'm so glad places like this exist, that they are protected, and that I am lucky enough to visit them. It's a great reminder of a few things: first, these trees that are now petrified wood are 225 million years old. 225 million! And in their lifespans, they have turned from wood into (precious) stone: proof that life works change in us that is completely unanticipated, and can turn the banal into the beautiful - if we but let it.

Day 84 & 85

Tardy posts for September 6 & 7! No internet access in Northern NM!

September 6
I am so grateful to have arrived safely at my grandmother's house in northern NM. As we pulled out of Colorado Springs this morning, the "check engine" light went on in my Subaru so we had to detour to the mechanic. Luckily, it was just an altitude problem, easily fixed by adding some "heat" to my gas. Who knew you could add heat to gas? But now I know you can buy it in any gas station. Seems no one was dealing with the altitude gracefully - Bitty had an episode of kitty heatstroke, the car didn't like it either, and lord knows the rest of us felt a little light-headed. Or maybe that was just being cooped up in the car together for days on end?

This is the view looking toward Santa Fe, off my grandmother's deck for which I am so grateful. I love my grandmother's house, it is an anchor and a sanctuary. I love this place. And I am, as always, profoundly grateful for my sister. There is nothing quite so comfortable and delightful as being able to share a look that's worth 1000 words with someone who knows you so intimately. Some things never change, and my bond with my sister is one of the most important and meaningful bonds of my life.




September 7
Today we trekked out to Ghost Ranch, Georgia O'Keeffe's ranch north of Abiquiu, NM. It was an incredibly inspirational day. I am thankful to have hiked in the gorgeous desert, to have visited the place O'Keeffe called home, and to be walking away inspired by that courageous and revolutionary woman and by the extraordinary desert landscape. I find this part of the world so beautiful. There is something so honest about it. Life and death are stark here; the landscape is simple and uncluttered, stretching on in clear lines as far as the eye can see. It is a place of extremes, where you have to make a choice; the differences are clearly delineated. I find that simplicity and clarity refreshing and beautiful. As we drove south out of Colorado, I felt a force in my chest, pulling me towards this desert. The drive stopped being boring, because I found the view so striking and so beautiful. It is familiar and beloved to my eyes, and I find the desert exotic and unique but also calming. I appreciate any time I have here, because it calms me and gives me peace. I am so grateful for mesas, pinon, green chile, juniper, mountains, and for the sky here that is bigger than the sky anywhere else I've ever been.






And chile ristras, green chiles, there had better be chiles on my dinner, whatever it is. The smell of green chiles roasting was a strangely familiar smell, mixing with the juniper & the pinon...like a half-haunting memory of a life I used to live and can vaguely remember.

Day 83: Colorado

I am grateful to have spent an evening chatting with my dear friend Kim & her awesome husband Ryan!

I am also glad to have made it through 577 miles today. Phew. Tomorrow: NM.

Day 82: Omaha

My apologies for the tardiness of some of these posts. My internet connection has been rather spotty. I have been thinking about gratitude, promise!

Today I am grateful for chance encounters. Like seeing this butterfly stop & sit on the windshield of my car while I was parked, waiting for my parents, at the cat kennel in Omaha.

Another delightful chance encounter has been reading Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. Here are some passages that struck a chord with me:

"Life, too, is like that. You live it forward, but understand it backward."

"Departure or imminent death will force you to define your true tastes."

And most importantly:

"Wasn't that the definition of home? Not where you are from, but where you are wanted?" This I believe.

Day 81: Omaha

(tardy post for Saturday, 9/3/2011)

Today I'm so thankful for my sister.

Day 80: Morris, IL, to Omaha, NE

Today I'm grateful to be in a house, not a hotel. We made it from Morris, Illinois, across Iowa to Omaha, Nebraska, where my parents live right now.

This morning I got up and got in the pool. Any day that begins with getting in a body of water, even if manmade, is a good day! The drive was much easier than yesterday's blockbuster 550-mile day. We crossed the Mississippi River - so now we are officially West! There was also less traffic, which I am of course grateful for; I could spend more time taking in the quaint farms, soybean and cornfields, and prairie silos of Iowa.

Cheapest gas: $3.49, Iowa City, IA
Werner truck: spotted, am only!
Best Iowa fashion: Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, no helmet, all-gold motorcycle

Tomorrow my sister comes! Incredibly excited. And happy to be back in Omaha - which is, after all, my birthplace. It seems appropriate to bring up TS Eliot's "Little Gidding," one of the Four Quartets, as it's often on my mind these days:

"With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this Calling,
We shall not cease from exploration
and the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."

Day 79: DuBois PA to Morris IL

Instructions for today included: get on I-80 West, pass through Ohio, pass through Indiana, turn right at exit 112 in Illinois...


View Larger Map

Today, I'm grateful that the longest leg of my trip is behind us!

When we woke up this morning in DuBois, PA, the idea had been to go take a quick dip in the pool. Unfortunately it was raining, so instead we hit the exercise room (equipment dating from approximately 1986). Then, I put our suitcases back up in the luggage rack. Very serious business. Good thing I knew where my rainjacket was in my mess of luggage!



We stopped down the road in Brookville, PA, for some breakfast at the Breezeway Cafe. We were the only non-locals, for sure: the breakfast special was $5.50 and the waitress was about as polite as possible. Brookville seems like a really sweet little town, full of patriots (flags!), cute old Northeast buildings, and a farmer's market complete with Amish farmers. I bought homemade elderberry jam from the cafe after having it on my toast.



Favorite road sign leaving PA: "Buckle up - next million miles."

Then we passed through Ohio. We miscalculated, thinking we were making great time - I looked at the map, and we were nearly at the fold, which I thought was the next state border. "Oh look," I cried, "we're nearly to..." (opening map, pause)..."Sandusky!" Sandusky (dead center of Ohio) is not nearly as exciting as the next state line (sorry, Sandusky). But Joliet was just over the Illinois border, so we'd be there in no time...

Then we realized we had forgotten to add in Indiana. The entire state. My mother went to graduate school in Indiana, too! We got a little down when we remembered Indiana.

This is pretty much what it looked like for seven hours today, plus crossing the Allegheny and the Cuyahoga and passing the Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery and the College Football Hall of Fame (for real, did not make that one up):



We are definitely out of Bierstadt country and into the cornfields, where the stalks are tall and the vowels are flat. Downside: serving sizes are of the 800-calorie plus variety; upside: people are mindblowingly nice and pleasant (compared to what I'm accustomed to!) But I am enjoying seeing the land change. It is appropriate to me to watch the landscape change, to take this change in myself and this move very slowly, to not be abrupt but to see how things and places and people shift and grow and evolve into very different things and places and people - naturally.

Tomorrow we drive from Morris, IL, across Illinois & Iowa and then arrive in time for my dad to grill us some steaks in Bellevue, NE, and then have two days off the road.

I'm so grateful for my cats behaving well and not puking all over everything (Bruno was recently diagnosed with feline gluttony - true story - a feline version of bulimia, which he does when he is stressed and needs attention); for frequent "sleeper" points that have earned us 2 free nights in hotels; for hotel pools; for my mother's company; for sleep; for being on the road.

Biggest lifesaver so far: Feliway cat pheromone spray. Controlled substance in NYC. Apparently people were using it to get high. Cat pheromone spray. Yes.
State count to date: 6 (NY, NJ, PA, OH, IN, IL)
Truck partner: Werner the blue truck, headquartered in Omaha. Will we see him tomorrow too?