Day 129, 130, 131

Friday 10/21
Today I am grateful for having a stellar education. After visiting an academic event at a university, I realized how strong my graduate education was. It was without peer, and being around faulty normalizing arguments made me appreciate the sound and ethical nature of my education. I am glad to be well-trained.


Saturday 10/22

Today I am grateful for the discovery of Downton Abbey! This show is incredible - sharply observed commentary on the decline of the class system in pre-WW1 England.

Sunday 10/23


Bahman Jalali, Image of Imagination, 2003

I'm grateful for the opportunity to see an exhibition of contemporary Iranian photography today, called Persian Visions/Headbang, put on at CalPoly Pomona. One of my favorites was Sadegh Tirafkan's Persepolis, an installation of video and photography.

Day 128: Chinatown

This is starting to feel dishonest. I'm not sure how to keep posting things I'm grateful for, and when the point is to increase the gratitude and contentment I am feeling in my life, when I get to the end of the day and think, Great - now I have to post something. What can I post? This gratitude has become a chore, given the place I am in emotionally. It is not a good place. I hope you are never here.

I will keep posting because a) I said I would, and my word is my bond and b) I have this insane hope that the blog will work again, like it did when I first started posting, and c) I think it might be doing me good even if that good is invisible to me right now.

Each day this week, save Monday, I've arranged one thing per day to look forward to: Tuesday was the talk at the Hammer, Wednesday was my haircut, and today was getting some new clothes I ordered in the mail and having a first session with a new counselor. Yay Therapy Thursdays! The tradition continues. Let's just say, my new clothes fit very well (the counselor less so), and I'm excited to wear a new shirt to work tomorrow. It's been tough coming up with a professional wardrobe after being in grad school and then working at a nonprofit - I'm more than 3 years away from dressing like a professional anymore. So I'm glad to gain a few new pieces.



I also curled up with the movie Chinatown tonight - I'd never seen it. Wow - seeing LA in the late 30s (or, depicted that way circa 74) was incredible.

Day 127: Cutting the Surface

Sometimes it's important to change things up a bit, even if it's only your appearance. I have been feeling very frustrated with my lack of progress lately, but thanks to a lovely stylist in Silverlake, at least now I have a fresh haircut to make me feel a little different - even if it changes me only externally. Thanks Mike!

Day 126: Berna, Brad Cloepfil, & Bruno

I'm grateful for Berna today (as with most days).

I'm also grateful for trying new things, whether it's checking books out of the Doheny Library or going to a talk I really wanted to go to - even if I had to go alone because my friend stood me up.


Lobby of the Doheny Library

And I'm grateful to come home to Bruno, who helps me with my research project.




Oh. And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Day 125: Within You

Los años de mi vida
yo caminé buscándolas.

(Neruda, Tus Manos)

I am grateful for beautiful words, whether sung out loud or reverberating in my heart in poetry.

Perhaps sometimes we must let go and find an answer within. Perhaps we have to stop running away from ourselves, from our truth, because in running away from it, we always run straight into it. Perhaps I had to learn what love was not before I could appreciate what real love is.

Camino buscándolo.

Day 122, 123 & 124

for Friday October 14, Saturday the 15, & Sunday the 16, 2011

As you might be able to tell from the lagging nature of my posting, I'm having a gratitude issue lately. For this I apologize, but I am really struggling. I am working hard, but not finding a lot of traction - in anything - and it's exceptionally frustrating and demotivating. This is when I need hope and gratitude the most, so I'll keep slogging through and wait for my heart to catch up with my head.

Friday 10/14
I'm thankful for food, and finding creative uses for it before it spoils! It's tough to cook for one, and I'm grateful for the stretch in creativity.

Saturday 10/15
Today my good friend Vernon took me to LACMA, on a behind-the-scenes tour for special donors of the installation of a new Michael Heizer sculpture, the Levitating Mass. LACMA CEO & Dia: Beacon founder Michael Govan led the tour, which was pretty exciting for me. It was great to see how the sculpture will be installed and put together, and to hear the backstory of how art pieces are created and constructed; I was grateful to be included.










Sunday 10/16
I'm grateful for a taste of home, discovered this weekend in Silverlake.

Day 121

I am grateful for the feeling that I can be who I want to be.

stills from Hamoun