Day 47: Delaware Water Gap

Today I used my mobility (see Day 46) to go to the Delaware Water Gap.

Much needed nature-hiatus. I am so grateful that places like this exist, and for the precious days I can spend in them renewing myself.

Day 46: Mobility

With wheels, again! First time since 2008.



So thankful for USAA, Emile's help negotiating, Dad's help getting hooked up to USAA, and to Georgetown Subaru for not being a smarmy used car dealership. So excited for the impending road trip!

Day 45: Catch-22 of Life

Today while I was walking home from the gym it was pouring rain, but the sun was busting out, steaming, from behind the clouds. It was a sunny rain.

This contradiction reminded me of Catch-22, which I just finished reading ("There was only one catch, and that was Catch-22"). Heller's play on the ridiculousness of bureaucracy, war, government, and human attempts at logic in general are amusing, bittersweet, painful, and hysterical simultaneously. It's the old adage that you get what you want (or need) after you give it up, no longer need it. It's an Alanis Morrisette song, too (although that reference dates me). I am grateful for these little eccentricities, and I have to laugh at them and love them. I am grateful just to notice them, to be an observer.

Day 44: the process of pieces

Slowly, day by day, pieces are falling into place. I'm reminded to be patient. I will get there. I am grateful - and want to be mindful of - the satisfying sense of resolution as each piece snaps into place.

Day 43: Whiskey Fudge from Red Rooster

I had some of this delight today to celebrate a coworker moving on and taking some joyous scary steps into the unknown. I am grateful for fudge (really, any derivative of the cacao bean), Red Rooster, & Janis.

(Red Rooster is here.)

Day 42: Lunch with Janis

Today I had a lovely Island Salad burrito for lunch with my coworker Janis, whose last day is tomorrow. She's been great to work with, and we're both leaving our jobs here to take a giant leap out into the unknown and push ourselves to the next level. It's been a pleasure serving with her - I'm grateful to her, because she is a genuine team player. And sitting outside in a Harlem garden patio, strung with little lights and brightly colored umbrellas, sharing a yummy lunch with her was pretty wonderful.

(Also for NYers, Island Salad is super yum and the owner, Milo, is awesome. Come support them!)

Day 41: Solitude

Today is definitely one of the hard days to show some gratitude. It feels like certain people are being dismissive and rude, and that my future is taking too long to arrive - waiting on quotes, offers, and for the move to be behind me. But rather than be a crankyface, I have to admit that I am grateful for solitude tonight - solitude and a string of sandalwood meditation beads and Thich Nhat Hanh's book Happiness.

Solitude, definitely.
And the breaking of the heat wave, not suddenly in a frantic storm, but a slow ebbing dissipation.

Day 40: the joy of the purge!

I knew I'd be leaving this apartment in Sunset Park regardless - earlier in the year I thought I might move up to Park Slope, but now it's back to California. So I had started to go through my clothes and books and get rid of things - moving offers such a lovely chance to purge, the sensation of starting over again. I don't feel like I'm starting over afresh, completely, because I have lived in LA before, and because, well...I take me with me wherever I go (and the cats too!) so I'm not starting from scratch. But it was definitely time to get rid of the clothes from when I was bigger, the bank statements from accounts I no longer have, the clothes I never wear, and the books I had on the shelf just to impress people. A few weeks ago I went through all the medications and makeup in the bathroom and threw out everything expired, or that I couldn't remember purchasing within the past 6 months. That was pretty gross.

Today I FINALLY took the 4 bags of clothes I was discarding (that had been sitting next to the door where I placed them to indiscreetly remind myself to cart them off) to the clothes donation box. Oh how grateful I am to be rid of them! And hopeful that they will find a new life with someone else!

Purge tally so far:
5 accordion files of documents -> 1 accordion file
-4 bags of clothes, shoes, and old purses
acres (ok, only 3 trash bags) of shredded articles -> pdfs
-2 bags of old makeup

Up next:
Facebook!
E-file condensing -> external hard drive
And food...

Day 39: Culinary Delights of the Purple Yam

Purple Yam is a restaurant in Ditmas Park, Brooklyn. It's on Cortelyou Road, off the Q. Mostly Filipino dishes, they also offer some really amazing Malaysian & Korean fusion dishes too.

I love discovering new and delicious food, and exploring new (to me, at least) parts of Brooklyn!

The food was delightfully yummy. Especially the yummy watermelon salad with jicama, romaine, and radish.



And I don't even feel guilty about the guava sorbet with Kalamansi meringue (not pictured, too delightful and cold to take the time to photograph) because I rode my bike there. All around win!

Day 38: Compliments

Mark Twain once wrote, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Today I know what he means: I went out with a good friend who lives in another city and we caught up. It seems I have lots to share lately! But as we parted she said, "This is the happiest, healthiest and most relaxed I've seen you since I've known you." Which made me really happy, because I've been working so hard on myself and building my own happiness, and I'm glad to know it's visible on the outside.

Day 37: Salt

for July 21, 2011
(tardy - apologies)

I LOVE salt.
Whether it's on bagels (which I am super grateful to have eaten a salt bagel from Surfside Bagels in Rockaway Beach today, it's a pleasure I rarely allow myself):


or it's the ocean.

(For the record, I was at Rockaway Beach last night - NOT pictured above - and took a lovely video for the purposes of this blog but can't get the video off my phone, so for now I am replacing it with an image of Tampa, FL. Please know that Florida beaches are so much cleaner - and the water so much clearer - than Rockaway.)

According to Wikipedia, trusted news source, "Salt is a necessity of life and was a mineral that was used since ancient times in many cultures as a seasoning, a preservative, a disinfectant, a component of ceremonial offerings, and as a unit of exchange. The Bible contains numerous references to salt. In various contexts, it is used metaphorically to signify permanence, loyalty, durability, fidelity, usefulness, value, and purification." In Japanese Shinto religion, salt is used in ritual purification. That so many cultures worldwide value salt is fascinating to me - I need to read Mark Kurlansky's Salt: A World History, I think! Salt is certainly an essential in my kitchen cabinet, whatever other crazy trendy spices rotate through there. But whether I am consuming salt as my favorite bagel flavor, or observing the beauty of it in the ocean, I love salt, and I am drawn to building in myself the qualities attached to it: loyalty, durability, fidelity, usefulness, purification.

Day 36: Vietnam Things

My French press broke, and I am in the process of purchasing a new one. So this morning, with no coffee-making apparatus to be found functioning in my apartment, I had the lucky excuse to walk five blocks to Cafe Savoy (45th at 4th Ave, Brooklyn). Savoy is a Vietnamese coffee shop, with all kinds of tasty treats waiting for me to consume them. I ordered my favorite, the delicious Vietnamese iced coffee, which comes in a spill-proof and cutely decorated cup.



I also love my red flats I bought in Vietnam, so in honor of my Vietnamese nostalgia today, I wore them.


(As proof they came from Hanoi, I offer photographic evidence of me trying them on in Hanoi.)


I am grateful for having been to Vietnam a few years ago - I recognize that any travel is a profound gift - and I'm grateful to have a (caffeinated) taste of Vietnam here in Brooklyn, and Vietnam under my feet whenever I choose!

Day 35: Root Beer Floats!

Hot days necessitate extreme measures, diet or not.

OK so maybe my float didn't look quite this amazing, but it tasted this amazing.

PS - There is also a Wikihow for Root Beer Floats if you do not know what these are. It includes a video (??).

Day 34: Planning Trips

Oh the deliciousness of planning a road trip!


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Day 33: Free public pools!

Humidity is far more bearable when you can go jump in a massive cold pool - for free.

Day 32: Bicycles & Big-Box Stores

I went on a long bike ride, first to the gym (where, I should also note, I am grateful for my physical health) and then up to Atlantic Center. In my three years of being in New York City, I have to say I have only rarely shopped at big box stores. I've been in Century 21 several times (of course), but I haven't been to a Kmart or a Target. There's the Kmart on Astor Place, but New York in general doesn't have the space to allow for big box stores, and I haven't missed them.



So when we went to Target at Atlantic Terminal, it was kind of like a mini-vacation, in a very bizarre capitalist way. I went to Target routinely when I lived in LA (West Hollywood, La Brea and Santa Monica) and the Northgate Target in Seattle. But even though I transfer at Atlantic-Pacific all the time on the subway, I have never been in the building above it. While I don't plan to shop at big-box stores all the time, I was reminded of how nice it is to be able to buy more than 2 rolls of paper towels at once. I'm looking forward to being back in LA where I can have a car and some storage space - and not have to ride home from Target with paper towels and mattress pads on my bike.

Day 31: Journeys

for Friday, July 15 - tardy!

A few days ago my meditation for the day was "Give yourself to the journey." I thought this very appropriate, given my upcoming Westward journey. Yesterday I went to the Rubin Museum for their Cabaret Cinema events, as they're open late Fridays and the cafe turns into a lounge. The galleries are open until 10pm, and if you buy $7 at the bar, you get a free ticket to their Cabaret Cinema. Last night's film was Le Grand Voyage, 2004, directed by Ismail Ferroukhi. The title in Arabic, Al-Rihla Al-Kubra, actually means the greatest journey.



It's the story of a French-Moroccan son and father who go on hajj from France to Mekka, driving across Europe. The father insists on going, and compels the son to drive him. It is the story of their relationship. It made me excited to go on my road-trip, with my mother, as I go back to California.

I noticed a few things that I thought were interesting - the son always spoke French to his parents, who spoke back to him in Moroccan Arabic. So they are literally speaking different languages. This reminded me of an installation by one of my favorite artists, Zineb Sedira (I have written about her here too). She created a video installation entitled Mother Tongue, 2002, where she looks at her Algerian mother, speaking Algerian Arabic, Sedira herself who speaks French, and Sedira's daughter who speaks English, and how these generations communicate in and outside of verbal communication.

The film was introduced by Imam Shamsi Ali, a prominent Indonesian-born imam who is a key leader in New York's Muslim and interfaith circles. He commented that hajj is a duty discussed in the Qur'an as one for "nas" not "muslimun." The significance of this in Arabic is that hajj is a duty for all people (nas) not just Muslims (muslimun)- pilgrimage is for everyone, that we are all journeying around the center of something, circling as Muslims circle the Kaaba, and we all need to honor this spiritual center and journey of our lives.

I am grateful for my Friday evening - I am grateful to be able to travel, to be preparing for a journey back to the West Coast. I am grateful to have been with a group of people in a museum of Buddhist and Hindi treasures, discussing Islam and Christianity and pilgrimage, and generally reaffirming that we all are on a journey. And we'd be wise if we gave ourselves to that journey.


A sneak peek of some of the things I'm looking forward to - more on this soon!

Day 30 - New Opportunities!

Today I got some good news. Nothing official yet, no signed contracts, but new opportunities. More soon!

Day 29: Yoga

I am grateful for yoga! I felt strong today and enjoyed my practice - I was truly focused on myself and not comparing myself to those next to me. I feel better when I make myself a priority - a lesson I need to embed in myself!

Day 28 - Sabah

Gratitude today for:
1). Movies I've never heard of but that are streaming instantly on Netflix. Like this one. With the apartment to myself, I can watch whatever movies I like, regardless of whether they are cheesy romcoms or dance the line between progressive/Orientalist and would make my graduate advisor from NYU purse her lips, smooth her hair, and say, "I think that is a very normalizing/homogenizing statement..." (And she'd be right. Guessous is always right.)

And 2) hearing Syrian Arabic spoken, in said film, for the first time since being in Sham. Qalbi ma3'k ya Sham.

Day 27 - Relief!

Today I'm grateful for the big relief that comes with making a huge decision or taking a giant leap towards something you need to do for yourself.

Today I made such a step. I am relieved, exhilarated, scared, sad, and excited all in one. I gave notice at my work for the end of August so that I can move back to Los Angeles. This is something I need to do for myself. And I'm going to make it happen. It might get a little dicey. But I'm a big girl, I can handle it. I brought myself to New York, I can bring myself back.



This picture is how I see LA from here, some bedroom in Brooklyn - a little blurry, and definitely in the distance - but absolutely gorgeous and glowing with possibility.

Day 26

Reflecting on 25 days of gratitude, I have to admit it's actually become harder than I thought. I am trying not to repeat myself, and I find that I am routinely grateful for things like seeing the Brooklyn Bridge when I go over the bridge on the train, flowers, sunny days, any conversations I get with my friends (or pictures of their adorable babies via MMS), the joy of cooking my own dinner or a good glass of wine, and anything vaguely related to my cats. These are the things I routinely find joy in and look for throughout the day - and I'm finding it difficult at times to shift my thinking and look for other things, go outside my comfort zone, push a bit.



Today I am grateful for a sense of productivity. I went through financial documents since 2006 and shredded a bunch of the stuff I don't need anymore, condensing a file drawer down to one accordion folder. This resulted in six bags of shreddings! I feel purged, light. Unfortunately this killed my poor little shredder, after three overheating episodes. RIP Staples MiniMate Shredder - you were just not quite shredder enough to meet my paper-hoarding tendencies.

Day 25 - Bikes, Bierkraft & Werner Herzog

Today we went for a lovely bike ride, saw the movie Horrible Bosses, biked over for a sweet sandwich at Bierkraft, where I saw this little guy hiding under the sandwich board next to Bierkraft, and then came home.



We watched Encounters at the End of the World, a sweet, intriguing look at Antarctica and the colony of folks living down at McMurdo. I highly recommend it, and it's on Netflix instant play right now.



So today I am thankful for summer, bikes, people who follow the beat of their own drum, and the incredible beauty of our gorgeous planet.

Day 23, 24

Day 23 - Thursday, July 7
I am thankful for opportunities. I am thankful for old friends.



Day 24 - Friday, July 8
I am thankful for sleep! And unexpected blessings.

Day 22

Family. I love my family.

Day 21

I am grateful for second chances, and the knowledge that I'll never be perfect, but I can have a practice of being better, making better choices.

"Happiness is also a way of interpreting the world, since while it may be difficult to change the world, it is always possible to change the way we look at it."

Also I'm thankful for loved ones who cook me dinner :)

Days 18, 19, 20

Saturday July 2, 2011

I have a lot to report today!

First, I’m grateful to be proven wrong about things – or to have my stereotypes “boulversé.” I assumed Omaha would be flat, which it is, but it’s very green and beautiful. We went to the Durham Heritage Museum today, which had a great exhibit on of Pulitzer photo winners, “Capturing the Moment,” which was touring from the Newseum. Afterwards we went strolling through the Old Market area, which is stunning – lots of old brick buildings, window boxes filled with geraniums, and quaint little shops including Jackson St Booksellers that we got lost in for a minute (or several). After a spicy delicious Indian dinner, we went for a brief walk in Papio Creek. As the sun sank in a watercolorist’s delight over the creek, the fireflies came out. Little shots in the gloaming – brief, shimmering waves flashing over the cornfields (it is still Nebraska) – sparking, sparkling, beautiful. They were so incredible. It was a magical moment, standing and watching a field of fireflies lighting up, intermittently – just because they can! – moments of light and beauty.

Sunday July 3
Today I am grateful for old friends and for new ones. I met a dear friend from high school, Sarah, for lunch today. Thanks to social media, we discovered that we’d both be in Omaha the same week. So we went for lunch, and caught up, and it was lovely.

I also found a new friend. At my Jesuit college, I read a lot of spiritual work and had heard of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist, but had never read more than a smattering of quotations. I found a text of his in the bookstore (yes, 2nd bookstore in 2 days, this is what my family does for entertainment: visit bookstores) called True Love and I read it last night and I felt so relieved, so at peace. It was like having a wise friend speak to you and tell you things you knew, but that you needed to hear outside yourself for them to echo into truth.

Monday July 4

Today I left Omaha, routed through Minnesota back to New York. Before I left this morning, we went to the Lauritzen Botanical Gardens. As we went at midday, due to circumstance and timing of my flight rather than choice, it was incredibly humid and sticky but the gardens were really stunning. To spend even a few moments in stillness in a garden, that is truly a blessing.

Fireworks from above! Flying back, I watched fireworks going off - tiny poofs of light - for about 500 miles. Happy birthday, America.

Day 17: Birthplaces

Today I'm grateful for birthplaces. I haven't been to mine in 27 years (so I don't really remember it, I just have one memory), and I'm going there today.

A lot of people have a tie to someplace like this and I've never felt one - but now, I feel that it's poetic (trite?) for me to go back to the place where I was born at this transition in my life. I am lucky to have a break from the chaos of NYC for a weekend, at least.

(I'm not sure what my internet situation is going to be - I'll do my best. If I can't get online, I'll post my gratitude in a big chunk on Monday when I get back home.)